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Although the unity candle seems to have been with us forever, in
reality it's only about ten years old. During those years, more "two-become-one" motifs have arrived to round out the theme.
Unification ceremonies are not only a symbol of togetherness,
they're also flexible elements of a wedding. These ceremonies can be "opened up" to include important family members, such as the
bridal couple's parents. Children from previous marriages can play a part, as can the entire congregation in a smaller wedding. Candle
and rose ceremonies are common choices for adapting in this way.
Unification ceremonies can also be "stacked." It's not unusual to
find a wedding that includes a hand and water ceremony, for example, or a wine and rose ceremony. Some couples play music during these
ceremonies and others don't.
The timing of unification ceremonies varies by wedding, but they
most often take place directly before or after the exchange of vows. These ceremonies may be especially important in non-religious
weddings, which may end too quickly otherwise!
Let's look at some alternatives to the Unity Candle ceremony:
Rose Ceremony
The rose ceremony is a flexible, informal ceremony especially suited
to an interfaith or non-religious wedding, not to mention a garden wedding! In the rose ceremony, bride and groom exchange a single
rose as their first married gift to each other. They are asked to recall this symbol of their love during the more trying seasons of
marriage.
Hand Ceremony
In the hand ceremony, the bride takes the groom's hands in hers,
palms up. The officiant invites her to view his hands as a gift, and says: "These are the hands that will work along side yours, as
together you build your future, as together you laugh and cry, and together you share your innermost secrets and dreams."
The groom then takes the bride's hands, palm side up. The officiant
says, "They are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness, as she
promises her love and commitment to you all the days of her life."
Knot Ceremony
In the knot ceremony, the mothers of the bridal couple are given a
cord, which the officiant later asks them to give to the bridal couple. The couple ties a lover's knot, which they may save to look
back on later.
Sand, Water and Wine Ceremonies
These are all mixing ceremonies suited to a Unitarian or interfaith
wedding. The sand ceremony is said to arise from Apache customs, and is popular in beach weddings. In each case, the bride and groom pour
sand or liquid from two separate vials into one. In the wine ceremony, they drink the mixed wine.
A nice touch is to have the bride pour white wine while the groom
pours red. You can then serve rosé at the reception to remind everyone of the ceremony.
The Salt Covenant
The salt covenant is an ancient tradition, well-described in the
Bible, and appearing regularly in Indian-national and Jewish weddings. Like the Jewish Huppah, the salt covenant (a mixing
ceremony with ancient connotations of loyalty, protection and hospitality) is beginning to show up in non-Jewish weddings as well.
The Foot-Washing Ceremony
The foot washing ceremony (not to be confused with the Scottish
bridal foot-washing ceremony, a raucous pre-wedding event) is a fascinating, solemn custom emphasizing the role of dual servitude in
a marriage.
This short article hasn't covered all the unification ceremonies:
there are bread-sharing ceremonies, circling ceremonies, broom jumping ceremonies, and probably more ceremonies that are being
invented right now.
However, if you feel a unification ceremony might make your wedding
more meaningful and personal, consider these alternatives. Don't forget that you can use more than one!
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