The crackle of fallen leaves conjures up memories of past things.  Like Persephone, and so many other children of reflective thinking, preparing to make that slow march to the start of winter, thinking back on yet another start of the season of paper, paste, pencils, and paints quickens my step and heart.  It is much too cold here now to do anything but walk and think.  I'm always the one who can hardly wait for the school year to begin, but the past keeps jerking me back by the scruff of the neck into the present.  This writing assignment started when my son’s pre-school teachers asked my wife and me to prepare a list of three goals to enhance his experiences for the year: What are your goals for Eian?  Like any parent I sometimes have a hard time not thinking about where I now stand, separating out my own experiences, while trying to make informed decisions for a very verbal five-year old.  I thought about my own milestones at that age and what I would have wanted for me, not just Eian, as fall skipped forward to the secular ritual that is the return of school.  I also thought about what goals he could gather before himself, like a well loved place-setting.  Maybe I could consult him.  But asking a pre-schooler to set goals is like asking the Runes for a right answer.  No books, no bags, or three-ring binders could materially offer him the comfort that discernment, inclusion, and grace can provide.  These are my prayers/hopes for him, augured from the seasons.
    

 Discernment

 First of all, I wish for Eian and all children the ability to work towards good and affirming choices.  I don't mean choices about things, but the desire to hold two competing thoughts aloft, sifting through a rich internal world.  A world where boys can play house and Hot Wheels without much angst about what is "appropriate."  The ability to make good choices and to discern the seeming incongruities upon this epic stage comes from stilling the many conflicting voices within.  Life can flatten even the best of us with too many choices and not enough quiet.  Children and adults learn the ability to make sophisticated choices by stilling the rabble within. Discernment leads to refining decision-making skills and offering up a new vision of the Self to the world.  
   

 Inclusion

 Next, nobody likes to be left out.  In our world were the games and the stakes to those games seem to be skyscraper high, to leave another person out of a process, an activity, or a game can lead to heartbreak.  Yet, some hurt matters.  Being too eager to protect our children from those moments where ugly sometimes reigns can lead to them not standing up for themselves.  On the other hand, showing children a world were everyone matters is a start.  Books about different kinds of princes and princess, talks about why differences truly matters, and sometimes puncturing our safe bubbles to let children experience all the world, not just the safe parts, is also a good beginning.  We can't always shelter children from hurt, but we can, by our actions, show them a vision of a new kind of world.
   

Grace

 Last, but certainly not least, seeing my child understand the meaning of beauty and forgiveness is my greatest hope.  In the quiet moments, I glimpse his grace.  Behind the wheel, turning around at a stop light to see him--unaware he is being seen at all--take his sister's hand in his, ever so gently; a loving reminder after the bickering why people throughout the ages keep on doing this parenting and teaching thing. 

 Maybe my goals for all children should be rooted to doable tasks, not these lofty concepts.  Yet, all I have to do is remember the clarity that comes with the cold, the sound of the leaves underfoot, and my two children, where the only goal is the press of palms together.

Babies     Moms     Parenting